Artist Statement
It all started with a normal Friday night: a bag of chips, a jug of Arizona, and my phone. As per usual, I was aimlessly double tapping every post that had popped up on my feed. I kept doing this until a mysterious photo appeared on my timeline. Red background, a jumping man, and multiple hands trying to grab the man but there was an apparent gap between his body and the hands. Intrigued, I sat up to look at the photograph better. Quickly learning that the photographer’s name was Nate Sturley, I spent hours on end stalking his posts and observing his techniques. I was set on recreating his photos. The picture of the man jumping with the red background? I could definitely do that in the studio. The long exposure of the lady and different faces? I know how to do that. I was so in awe of his photographs I had forgotten about my voice and my artistic touch. What do these photos mean to me? Why do I want to recreate them? Anxiety and stress have the same effect on me. I lose my voice and become fixated on one thing. Overly anxious and stressed from the workload and tests throughout my high school career, I would spend more time picking at my hangnails and worrying rather than studying. Almost everyday I would wake up to sweaty palms and my stomach tied in a perpetual knot; I could never calm myself down. Always imagining the worst along with the constant worrying and pressure took a toll. It took a lot of time to crawl out of the deep hole I dug myself into.
With my project I wondered if I could photograph these feelings. The feelings of wanting to leave a place but constantly tied back by the stress, or perhaps the many mood swings that people suffering from mental illnesses experience. I want to give a visual interpretation of the many thoughts that ran through my head at once. Will I pass the test? Did I finish the essay? Why is there so much homework? Does everyone hate me?
Mental illnesses don’t have a face or a body, but with my photographs I want to bring about a visual representation of these issues people face. Additionally, I wish to bring a sense of relatability to those who have suffered and give an interpretation of my own feelings to those who may have not experienced these thoughts and emotions. I requested personal stories from my peers about their experiences with mental illness. I have included an excerpt from these narratives in the subtitle of my artwork.